Many of us have been told, "Boys, work hard, get good grades, get a good job and settle down", "Girls, groom yourselves, be lady-like, look beautiful, get good grades, get good jobs and settle down". "Settling down" invariably involves getting married. Some parents have raised their children with the thinking that a major purpose of a female human being is to grow up and get married. I say that such thinking is of itself a disservice to women. I say this because I am aware of the enormous pressure such thinking puts on our girls. I cannot say that I understand the extent to which they have let all other things depend on finding the "right man" neither do I comprehend the ingredients that are supposed to constitute rightness in a man. What I do know is that our girls are under pressure to find that right man and find him now.
I have asked around and most girls I have asked were kind enough to let me in on this secret of rightness of a man. Among the qualities they mentioned were romantic, caring, tall (apparently most girls want a six-footer and there is such shortage of us), rich or whenever that's not possible, at least a man with a stable source of income, god-fearing (for this I have no translation), intelligent, strong, kind, considerate and so many other qualities.
Going through the list of the qualities that makes a man right, it is no wonder that most of the brothers out there are wrong! I mean, it is life after all; you can't win them all. "You win some, you lose some", even the Devil admitted as much to himself in Devil's Advocate thereby cutting the ground from under his advocate's feet. But seriously, there is a real shortage of the right men out there, at least the statistics say so as divorce
rates all over the world continue to go up year after year. I don't want to blame the womenfolk for this because apparently if the man is right, nothing can go wrong, right? And as if that is not bad enough the number of unmarried women above thirty continue to increase. So what can we do?
I have a simple solution. Let us stop telling our girls that it's time to settle down, time waits for no one, you are getting old to be single; and let us stop setting too high a standard for our boys to meet. What's wrong with ordinary? Why must every man be rich first before his is considered right? In my experience if the man is rich enough, chances are that he would cheat on you with the reason he is rich in the first place. Yes, wealth, riches demand the same kind of attention that a woman would demand. Again the devil was right when he said you can't win them all.
Another fallout of having this multitude of expectations is that most girls end up marrying the wrong boys and for wrong reasons. The boys are not entirely innocent in this case but then they bear a portion of the blame. I mean, what's a guy to do? You love a girl and each time a Rover Sports vehicle drives past, you momentarily go out of existence until the vehicle is out of sight. What's a guy to do? Borrow your rich uncle's evoke for a couple of months until she says "I do", then have yourself "kidnapped" and "robbed" of everything but your underpants. What's a guy to do? She talks about this guy that earns ten digits monthly who she would have married, only she didn't "love" him. Haha! Guys become proactive and very creative. The result? Most marriages are doomed to end even before they started. This is because these marriages are based on non-existent facts and promises.Passing wrong information about the
bride or groom can be a reason for Divorce. Many times we come across
cases where the groom hides the fact there is another lady-friend sponsoring the wedding. And there is no gain saying that such a lady friend expects to be an ever-present figure in the life of the couple. When such things come to light, the
marriage can end in a Divorce.
However, going
for a Divorce or not depends upon the kind of relationship the couple
has. Some relationships are worth working on, some aren’t. If a marriage
cannot be saved, it is better to go for a Divorce than be trapped in a
miserable and unhappy marriage.Most marriages fail even before they start. There are several reasons, in my opinion, why marriages fail. I like to define a failed marriage as a marriage in which the parties are no longer happy in the relationship.
"Do you take this Man / Woman to be your Husband / Wife till death due you part?" "I do". That's how it starts. But let us not forget the other clauses. Actually, this is the part I like most:
Giving of the Vows
Do you, (Man), take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to her and her alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Groom says "I do.") Do you, (Woman), take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to him and to him alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Bride says "I do.")
Do you, (Man), take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to her and her alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Groom says "I do.") Do you, (Woman), take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to him and to him alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Bride says "I do.")
In my opinion the marriage is as good as over when the man ceases "to love and cherish, to have and to hold.... forsaking all others.... cleave to her and her alone..." and that goes for the woman too. So when these things are no longer present in the marriage, all else is a facade.
Another place I like is:
Giving of the Rings
(To Groom) What token do you give as a symbol of your affection and of your sincerity and fidelity? (Groom produces ring) (To Groom) Repeat after me: This ring I give / as a token / of my affection, sincerity, and fidelity. / Will you wear it / as a symbol / of your own affection, sincerity, and fidelity / toward me? (Bride says "I Will.") etc.
So whenever the rings are no longer tokens of affection, sincerity, and fidelity, you can go ahead and remove it. I promise the pastor won't take offense.