Life and Love: Marriages and Why they often Fail

Many of us have been told, "Boys, work hard, get good grades, get a good job and settle down", "Girls, groom yourselves, be lady-like, look beautiful, get good grades, get good jobs and settle down". "Settling down" invariably involves getting married. Some parents have raised their children with the thinking that a major purpose of a female human being is to grow up and get married. I say that such thinking is of itself a disservice to women. I say this because I am aware of the enormous pressure such thinking puts on our girls. I cannot say that I understand the extent to which they have let all other things depend on finding the "right man" neither do I comprehend the ingredients that are supposed to constitute rightness in a man. What I do know is that our girls are under pressure to find that right man and find him now.

I have asked around and most girls I have asked were kind enough to let me in on this secret of rightness of a man. Among the qualities they mentioned were romantic, caring, tall (apparently most girls want a six-footer and there is such shortage of us), rich or whenever that's not possible, at least a man with a stable source of income, god-fearing (for this I have no translation), intelligent, strong, kind, considerate and so many other qualities.

Going through the list of the qualities that makes a man right, it is no wonder that most of the brothers out there are wrong! I mean, it is life after all; you can't win them all. "You win some, you lose some", even the Devil admitted as much to himself in Devil's Advocate thereby cutting the ground from under his advocate's feet. But seriously, there is a real shortage of the right men out there, at least the statistics say so as divorce rates all over the world continue to go up year after year. I don't want to blame the womenfolk for this because apparently if the man is right, nothing can go wrong, right? And as if that is not bad enough the number of unmarried women above thirty continue to increase. So what can we do?

I have a simple solution. Let us stop telling our girls that it's time to settle down, time waits for no one, you are getting old to be single; and let us stop setting too high a standard for our boys to meet. What's wrong with ordinary? Why must every man be rich first before his is considered right? In my experience if the man is rich enough, chances are that he would cheat on you with the reason he is rich in the first place. Yes, wealth, riches demand the same kind of attention that a woman would demand. Again the devil was right when he said you can't win them all.

Another fallout of having this multitude of expectations is that most girls end up marrying the wrong boys and for wrong reasons. The boys are not entirely innocent in this case but then they bear a portion of the blame. I mean, what's a guy to do? You love a girl and each time a Rover Sports vehicle drives past, you momentarily go out of existence until the vehicle is out of sight. What's a guy to do? Borrow your rich uncle's evoke for a couple of months until she says "I do", then have yourself "kidnapped" and "robbed" of everything but your underpants. What's a guy to do? She talks about this guy that earns ten digits monthly who she would have married, only she didn't "love" him. Haha! Guys become proactive and very creative. The result? Most marriages are doomed to end even before they started. This is because these marriages are based on non-existent facts and promises.Passing wrong information about the bride or groom can be a reason for Divorce. Many times we come across cases where the groom hides the fact there is another lady-friend sponsoring the wedding. And there is no gain saying that such a lady friend expects to be an ever-present figure in the life of the couple. When such things come to light, the marriage can end in a Divorce.

However, going for a Divorce or not depends upon the kind of relationship the couple has. Some relationships are worth working on, some aren’t. If a marriage cannot be saved, it is better to go for a Divorce than be trapped in a miserable and unhappy marriage.Most marriages fail even before they start. There are several reasons, in my opinion, why marriages fail. I like to define a failed marriage as a marriage in which the parties are no longer happy in the relationship.

"Do you take this Man / Woman to be your Husband / Wife till death due you part?" "I do". That's how it starts. But let us not forget the other clauses. Actually, this is the part I like most:

Giving of the Vows
Do you, (Man), take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to her and her alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Groom says "I do.") Do you, (Woman), take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold; and do you promise, forsaking all others, to cleave to him and to him alone, for as long as you both shall live? (Bride says "I do.")

In my opinion the marriage is as good as over when the man ceases "to love and cherish, to have and to hold.... forsaking all others.... cleave to her and her alone..." and that goes for the woman too. So when these things are no longer present in the marriage, all else is a facade.

Another place I like is:

Giving of the Rings
(To Groom) What token do you give as a symbol of your affection and of your sincerity and fidelity? (Groom produces ring) (To Groom) Repeat after me: This ring I give / as a token / of my affection, sincerity, and fidelity. / Will you wear it / as a symbol / of your own affection, sincerity, and fidelity / toward me? (Bride says "I Will.") etc.

So whenever the rings are no longer tokens of affection, sincerity, and fidelity, you can go ahead and remove it. I promise the pastor won't take offense.

Why do people get Divorced? 10 common Reasons for Divorce

There are many reasons why people get divorced. Some of the major reasons why marriages fail or people get divorced are given below.

High Expectations: Many couples enter into marriage with high expectations and when they don’t happen it leads to clashes and then breakup. Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage and are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. Believe it or not People have even gotten divorced for reasons like snoring than treating and solving the problem.
Family Pressures: There are several cases where parents have forced or blackmailed their daughter or son to enter into a marriage against their wishes. There are also cases where the parents have forced their daughter or son to break the marriage promising a better life or threatening to harm the partner. Interference of Parents or in-laws too some time ends up in divorce.
Marriage for Wrong Reasons: Especially in a society like ours where the wrong things are prioritized and fed to the younger generation through every media possible, it often happens that people go into marriages with such reasons as the wealth of their partner or the name of the family he or she is marrying into. Somewhere in the marriage some of these couples discover that things like affection, physical attraction and love are important and that the ship of social status doesn't sail very far into the sea called marriage. When they make this discovery, the more feeble-minded couples opt out whereas the stronger ones stay and bear out years of unhappiness in a marriage that is long dead and buried.
Lack of Commitment: For many couples the marriage vows are just a ceremony and do not follow or keep the commitment made through the vows to the partner. They tend to forget that it takes commitment to nurture any relationship than looking for quick fix solutions and giving up too easily.
Lack of Physical Attraction: As years go by its quite natural for the couples to lose interest in maintaining their beauty and health. Such a situation can get the partner to stray thereby resulting in divorce. Further there are men who marry ugly or physically handicapped girls just for the hefty dowry they could bring without giving much importance to their appearance. Once the money is gone their dissatisfaction can cause physical and verbal abuse resulting in the marriage breaking up.
Lack of communication: Lack of communication between couples can be a major reason for break up. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. Many expect their partners to guess what they want or what their problem is without communicating. Because of this sometimes even small misunderstandings end up in divorce.
Family Background: People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married households. Many of such children do not have belief or faith in the institution of marriage and does nothing to salvage the marriage. Divorce seems less like a big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it.
Adultery: One of the major reasons of Divorce is the infidelity of the Partner. Even after several years after the death of Princess Diana, the World has not forgotten her tearful admission that Prince Charles affair with Camilla wrecked her marriage. There are many such men and women who wreck their own marriages.
Compatibility: Marriage is not just about physical compatibility; the couple should have mental compatibility as well to have a successful marriage. When the couple is not in tune with each others feelings then there is a higher chance that they might end up divorcing.
Low Tolerance and Rigidity: Many couples exhibit a very low level of tolerance in marriage and stay rigid in their outlook. When both partners want to get things their own way and not compromise that may lead to a divorce. Many overlook the importance of compromise and flexibility for the successful working of a marriage.

In spite of all these reasons and all the divorce we hear about, there are still some happily married people out there. I know some and some happy marriages are being established as you read this. What can I say? Some fellas have all the luck, I guess. Speaking of which, congratulations brother. You were not in a hurry because you knew she was out there waiting for you to find her. And she was not in a hurry because she knew you were working hard towards finding her. Now that you are both here, you have nowhere else to go because you'll do anything necessary for her and she'll do anything necessary for you. That's the way it is supposed to be. God praised himself in you and your lovely wife.